I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize