I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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