its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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