Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
