so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
