i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
