omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize