help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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