you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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