I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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