apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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