Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
