Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
