Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize