with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
