My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
