a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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