I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
