Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
