I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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