I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
false alarm. still invincible.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
