I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
