M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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