Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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