I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
