Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
