We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
