Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
