So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
