The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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