whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
