how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
