Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
