I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
