therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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