Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
