my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
