I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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