i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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