Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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