why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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