Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
