i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize