Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
