Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
