i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
