White coat. Heels.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
