this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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