i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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