I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
