just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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