I'm eating all of the evidence.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
