Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
