Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
