Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
