One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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