Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize