man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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