Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
