Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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