Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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