If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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