I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
