He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
