Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
