I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
