I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
