I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
