Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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