just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
