What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
