i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're too hungover to prance.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
