she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
