is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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