First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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