I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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