so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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