There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
