I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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