Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
