my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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