Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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