Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize