Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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