I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
